banno, dhanno and teja in bumm-bumm-bhole-land

heroine – in the quicksand of glamour

Dhanno keeps repeating incredulously, “This movie is a spoof of itself. When they make a spoof of this, it will be the actual film.”

Shy keeps nudging me, and guffawing. “Really, really, but why?”

Badal asks, “Whose idea was it to watch ‘Heroine’?”

Shy says, “We had to see it. It’s so funny.”

I say, “This girl (Mahi Arora aka. Kareena Kapoor) would be in trouble whether she was an architect, or a chartered accountant, or waitress in McDonald’s. She reacts hysterically to everything. ‘How dare he .. how could she .. how can he .., etc. etc.? She doesn’t want to take any responsibility at all.”

Shy says, “Exactly.”

I say, “She keeps saying she is lonely. But she has a sensible mother. Who is giving her sensible advice. But no ..”

Dhanno says, “Mothers don’t count at all.”

Shy says, “Of course. If she is in trouble, why can’t she call her mother? But no, she will cry about some guy she has met 2 minutes ago.”

Dhanno says, “I think these people just got confused about what they wanted the film to be about.”

Shy says, “Is she a star? Wants to be one? Was big and now falling? Wants to make it big?”

I say, “Bi-polar? Wants to be an architect, but was forced into acting?”

Dhanno says, “Lonely? Ambitious? Crazy?”

Badal drives us quietly in the way of all good men.

Dhanno says, “And just because she stops being a heroine, does she have to dress like a mechanic?”

Shy says, “Stop washing her face?”

Dhanno says, “Because of course, all normal people are like that?”

Badal says, “And what does she mean, ‘I am not Mahi Arora’. Then who is she?”

The only answer to that is to play the ominous-sounding title song “Main heroine hoon”.

Edited to add:

1. The lyricist Sanjay Chhel asked me on FB, what I meant by the use of the word ‘ominous’ for the title song. The lyrics in fact, are quite apt for the characterization that the film sets out to portray. But it is actually the music and the way the song is sung which are ominous. Particularly, the line ‘Main heroine hoon’. Reminded me of childhood stories which went “and then, the ghost said, ‘Main bhoot hoon, aur main tujhe khaa jaaoga’.”

2. A reader on FB wrote rather indignantly that this was NOT a review, only a reaction to the film. I must admit, rather sadly, that unrestrained as I am by an editor or word-count, most of my so-called ‘reviews’ are only reactions to films. For a more intelligent review of the film, you could go here.

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26 comments on “heroine – in the quicksand of glamour

  1. Purnima Rao
    September 22, 2012

    Best review ever!

    • Banno
      September 22, 2012

      Thank you, Purnima. :)

  2. Space Bar
    September 22, 2012

    I think if the reviews are entertaining enough there’s no need to see the film only. You suffered so we didn’t have to – thank you!

    • Banno
      September 22, 2012

      Space Bar, :)

  3. ankur
    September 22, 2012

    Thanks for the warning :-)

    • Banno
      September 22, 2012

      Welcome, Ankur.

  4. Anu Warrier
    September 22, 2012

    Banno, thanks for my morning laughs. I have a principle – never watch a Madhur Bhandarkar film, whoever is acting in it, and however much it is hyped. He has a knack of taking the worst stereotypes of any industry, then exaggerating them until they turn into a farce, and pounding our head with “It’s bad, it’s bad, and Did I tell you it is b-a-a-a-a-d?’

    I salute you for sitting through it,but it looks like you had fun. That’s the only way to suffer a bad movie, I think.

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Well, Anu, I like bad movies, because they make me laugh, and I find it easier to write about bad movies than about good ones that I really like. :( Must be something wrong with me.

  5. suniti133
    September 22, 2012

    Madhur Bhandarkar and glamour don’t go well for me. I have seen the trailer of this film. But it reminded me so much of the plot line of Fashion ( I may be wrong ) that I don’t feel like seeing it, not even for Kareena whom I otherwise like. One movie about the movie industry which I have liked in the past was- Khoya Khoya Chhand. Don’t know if you have written about it.Nice post as always :)

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Thank you, Suniti. No, I haven’t written about ‘Khoya Khoya Chand’. I found it quite stereotypical too. Of course, one knows exactly what to expect from a Madhur Bhandarkar film. Watching it is the same pleasure as reading something like a ‘Manohar Kahani’. :)

      • dustedoff
        September 23, 2012

        “Soya Soya Chand” was what my sister called it, because it put her to sleep. I kept awake because I wanted to see what happened.

        Thank you for the warning on this one – I hadn’t been meaning to see it anyway, but now I’ll know to steer absolutely clear!

        • Banno
          September 23, 2012

          Dustedoff, ‘Soya Soya Chand’ is a brilliant name. :)

  6. dipali
    September 22, 2012

    Long may you watch terrible movies and entertain us with your reviews/reactions!

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Thank you, Dipali. :)

  7. kateshrewsday
    September 23, 2012

    I’m with Dipali. I love my visits here, Banno: always full of colour….

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Thank you, Kate. :) Though I always do feel embarrassed a little, in the face of your beautiful, lucid writing.

  8. harveypam
    September 23, 2012

    :-D
    Reviews ARE Reactions!

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Thanks for sticking up for me, Harvey. :)

  9. nadi
    September 23, 2012

    I do so enjoy this page.
    Even when you laugh at something, or say something blunt, I can see that underneath it is a deep love for cinema..

    • Banno
      September 23, 2012

      Thank you, Nadi. That is really true.

  10. Violet
    September 24, 2012

    This was so much fun.. you should record these conversations and post them with the review :D

    • Banno
      September 24, 2012

      Thank you, Violet. Now that would be a task. :)

  11. Aiman
    September 28, 2012

    I think this review works better than the one you gave the link to. Why should I waste my time reading all those words when I can just read your review, which is more entertaining (unlike the film itself). This film doesn’t deserve more words.

    • Banno
      September 29, 2012

      Aiman, :)

  12. Unmana
    September 29, 2012

    This is awesome. Thanks for the laughs, Banno!

    • Banno
      September 29, 2012

      Welcome, Unmana. :)

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This entry was posted on September 22, 2012 by in Banno, Dhanno, filmi buffaloes, the movies and tagged , , , , .
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