Dhanno keeps repeating incredulously, “This movie is a spoof of itself. When they make a spoof of this, it will be the actual film.”

Shy keeps nudging me, and guffawing. “Really, really, but why?”

Badal asks, “Whose idea was it to watch ‘Heroine’?”

Shy says, “We had to see it. It’s so funny.”

I say, “This girl (Mahi Arora aka. Kareena Kapoor) would be in trouble whether she was an architect, or a chartered accountant, or waitress in McDonald’s. She reacts hysterically to everything. ‘How dare he .. how could she .. how can he .., etc. etc.? She doesn’t want to take any responsibility at all.”

Shy says, “Exactly.”

I say, “She keeps saying she is lonely. But she has a sensible mother. Who is giving her sensible advice. But no ..”

Dhanno says, “Mothers don’t count at all.”

Shy says, “Of course. If she is in trouble, why can’t she call her mother? But no, she will cry about some guy she has met 2 minutes ago.”

Dhanno says, “I think these people just got confused about what they wanted the film to be about.”

Shy says, “Is she a star? Wants to be one? Was big and now falling? Wants to make it big?”

I say, “Bi-polar? Wants to be an architect, but was forced into acting?”

Dhanno says, “Lonely? Ambitious? Crazy?”

Badal drives us quietly in the way of all good men.

Dhanno says, “And just because she stops being a heroine, does she have to dress like a mechanic?”

Shy says, “Stop washing her face?”

Dhanno says, “Because of course, all normal people are like that?”

Badal says, “And what does she mean, ‘I am not Mahi Arora’. Then who is she?”

The only answer to that is to play the ominous-sounding title song “Main heroine hoon”.

Edited to add:

1. The lyricist Sanjay Chhel asked me on FB, what I meant by the use of the word ‘ominous’ for the title song. The lyrics in fact, are quite apt for the characterization that the film sets out to portray. But it is actually the music and the way the song is sung which are ominous. Particularly, the line ‘Main heroine hoon’. Reminded me of childhood stories which went “and then, the ghost said, ‘Main bhoot hoon, aur main tujhe khaa jaaoga’.”

2. A reader on FB wrote rather indignantly that this was NOT a review, only a reaction to the film. I must admit, rather sadly, that unrestrained as I am by an editor or word-count, most of my so-called ‘reviews’ are only reactions to films. For a more intelligent review of the film, you could go here.